January 23rd, 2024
nonstop tension. painful rumination and affirmation seeking. not a good day emotionally, though otherwise productive. the further i am from my phone the better. it is the infinite paranoia dispenser.
friends at school are very kind and very normal. it is deeply refreshing. i like it when people look forward to my presence. even though i have many friends it never gets any easier to imagine that
people like and respect me. comfort in solitude is the next goal. fomo is an attention seeking devil poisoning the hearts of the insecure. in an attempt to respect myself more i won't succumb to it. i
refuse to wait around for people to speak to me...it is quite sad to do so. it isn't even out of boredom that it happens, i am usually deeply anxious and i have a horrible attention span. it can't happen anymore...
i have an internal world, too...i have worthy thoughts and ideas...so for my own good i must create a life worth living even in the lonely moments. hobbies aren't just to hone a talent.
in order to rekindle my love of drawing i have to remember what made it so in the first place. i cant force anything to happen. i have to let myself relax